Sunday, May 14, 2017

Remembering Mother's Day

When a daughter loses a mother, the intervals between grief responses lengthen over time, but her longing never disappears. It always hovers at the edge of her awareness, prepared to surface at any time, in any place, in the least expected ways.” ~Hope EdelmanMotherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss

Cindy La Ferle
My mother died two years ago after a seven-year battle with cardiovascular disease and dementia. In retrospect, I started losing her long before she died, one sad year at a time, as her mind slipped and her personality changed. I struggled to process the sad, slow death of our old relationship during the caregiving years, and later, her physical death in September of 2014.

Which is why it's still hard to walk past all those sentimental Mother's Day cards at the drugstore. I'm reminded, as I head straight to vitamin aisles at the back of the store, that my life isn't the same without my mom. I miss her.
My daughter-in-law and son in Amsterdam

Of course, I can re-spin this in a positive way, which is usually my style. I've got a wonderful son and daughter-in-law who'll call me later today from Europe to wish me a happy Mother's Day. And my thoughtful husband has already gifted me with beautiful flowers (above) and a funny card from our cats, plus a cheery yellow gift bag filled with chocolate-pistachio bark (pun intended) from our dog. 

All said and done, there are hundreds of ways to be a mother to others -- and hundreds of ways to be mothered by others. Today I celebrate them all. 

To honor the good mothers we've known and loved, we can practice nurturing one another every day of the year. We can listen deeply and unselfishly, offer consistent support and caring, and show genuine interest in the lives of people we love. Just like a good mother would. Happy Mother's Day to all. 


  1. I lost my mom a few years ago and still it is hard to see the cards, hear the commercials, see the day come each year without plans for an actual Mother's Day celebration. I cried a bit Sunday morning but happy tears when my sister told me a butterfly dropped in on her Saturday as one (the same one of course) did to me twice during the week, sitting and staying, longer than any regular butterfly would. My mom is watching over us...we fully believe it. Hugs to you.

  2. Ah, Tina, thanks for writing. I love the butterfly connection, too.