Wednesday, May 23, 2018

True listening

"When you are a true listener, 
you will hear all the important things 
not being said." 
~Jeffrey Benjamin

Cindy La Ferle


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Sometimes it's what we don't say that speaks volumes. Not speaking up, not reaching out, not making a point, not opening up, not sharing our thoughts, not paying a compliment, not answering a question ... All of these reveal a lot about us. 

Whatever we're unwilling to discuss in a particular relationship also defines or sets a boundary around that relationship. I once had a friend who was uncomfortable with self-disclosure and kept her private life to herself -- yet she wanted to know everything about me. Needless to add, that friendship was built on an uneven foundation and it didn't last.

In some circumstances, of course, silence is healthy and appropriate. In our social-media-obsessed culture of "over-sharing," there's something downright classy about knowing when to keep things to yourself. 

But there are times when silence erodes a relationship more than cruel words. Listening carefully, we discern the truth in what goes unsaid. ~Cindy La Ferle

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